One of the hardest pills that I probably ever had to swallow was the idea that I didn’t love my mum. Of course this statement is absurd, how can I say that about someone who carried me, clothed me, loves me unconditionally. Someone who put their dreams and ambition on hold so I could sleep comfortable. Someone who traveled miles to another mans land, where she stood out and was reminded every time she spoke just so I could have a better future.
I managed to fake the love, despite all the reasons not to. Beyond the four walls of a place I called home, my mother was a stranger to me. I never took the the time to learn what made her laugh, what she dreams about when she sleeps, what she liked and how she liked it, what her childhood was like, how she acquired the scars she covered up. I could go on forever but I didn’t know her other than the one who gave birth to me, provided a meal and didn’t let me have my way.
I knew I had to love my mum but it wasn’t reflected in the way I treated her, to her I was the best child but I would hurt her with my actions and lack of care. I took her long hours at work as an opportunity to live how I wanted. Simply put the way I treated my mother was unfair and shouldn’t be passed for a phase.
When Jesus found me and I started growing in Christ my behaviour started to change and I quickly learnt that my past relationship with my mum reflected in how my relationship with God was. How do you love God and not obey him? How do you love God and not know him ? How do you love God and not respect him?
No man comes to Christ and remains the same, overtime as I grew closer to God my relationship with God channeled into how I treated my mum. Looking back I would have some glitch days where my flesh tried to come alive and my mum would fire words that killed it, something along the lines of “is that how Christians speak?” Or “I thought you were a Christian?” Or “is that what you are learning at Church?” Initially I would hate that so much but if I’m being honest that’s what I needed.
The more I loved God, the more I would be so grateful for my mum. How things changed because of Jesus, days were I would cry because I felt I didn’t get my way, now when I even think of how much I love my mum I’m brought to tears. It’s comical that someone I never took time to know is someone I genuinely check on now.For some this is normal and others might find this crazy.
Of course I loved my mum but it was empty and forced. With a lot of us that’s how we love God too, for my mum would tell me not to do things and that acted to fuel my desire to know why and go as much as to even go against her will. So was it with God too.
To think that God didn’t give us our parents specifically to train us would mean that God is not intentional. I’m glad my mum is the way she is and of course she may be a bit irrational sometimes but I have come to love her that way and understand that, just as I’m different factors that I will never experience due to sacrifices she has made have all played a role to shape her.
People who know my mum and I always compliment our relationship and honestly I’m honoured that God will count that as my testimony but it wasn’t always like that. When I became a Christian my mum observed me very carefully and what she saw led her to know Christ and it’s just so beautiful as to how my past relationship reflected in how I treated God and my present relationship with God reflected in how my mum saw him. Surreal.
My mum has taught me a million lessons and I will count myself blessed to posses half of the strength she does now. A woman who can light up a room by being herself whilst instilling wisdom in every phone call we have. Amongst all her servant heart challenges me to serve more. I can confidently say that when Jesus said to the disciples that a friend lays down his life for his friends because of love, my mum has demonstrated that in my life.
“AGreater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13 KJV
Jesus is the reason I can call my mum a friend and most importantly a mother! I’m rest assured that the prayers I prayed concerning our relationship were answered and I can go as far as to say that one of my greatest support is from her, a breath of fresh air and a reminder that God is indeed real and cares about our relationship with our parents.
Always remember that your first ministry is at home, if you can’t practice what you preach at home don’t bother doing it publicly. So I hope that this acts as a beam of hope that broken relationships can be restored by the one and only living God.
Of course we have our differences but knowing my mum allows me to understand her and make her laugh even when I upset her. She doesn’t know that I wrote this but by time she reads this I hope she knows how much impact she has had in my life and others around her. I’m forever in debt of the hours she clocked in so I could be a well rounded individual and only God can pay her back.
So as I’m held tightly in the picture you saw of my mum and I. I believe that’s how tightly God wants to hold us in our relationships with others, whilst with our relationship with him.
The first commandment that is given with a promise is:
“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”
Exodus 20:12 KJV
Key word is honour and not obey but that’s a topic for another day. Being able to have a friendship and a healthy relationship with my Mother is one of the greatest blessings I have received from God and I do pray that others may receive that too.
Speaking to your parents beyond when there’s a problem and above it being your duty. Speaking to them because you simply desire to hear their voice even though you heard it not too long ago. No point in wishing our parents were other people but rather understanding them for who they are.
So when you see me know that I’m here because of God but he did this through other such as my mum. I can stand because she bent for others, I can speak because she remained quiet to be paid, I can smile because there were days she had to frown, I can walk because there were days she sacrificed her legs, I can dance because she taught me, I can’t sing because she is as bad if not worse than me but most importantly I can love because she loved me second (God loved me first). Thank you Jesus for using my mum even when I didn’t know you and thank you for using her now that I know you.
Love you loads mother bear and love you God more!